fuck the world & all who inhabit it

last night i posted that i messaged the guy that i like on facebook and told him that i thought he was a sweet guy & that if he wanted, we should hang out. well today ive been constantly checking facebook to see if he messaged me back: nothing. so i went to work this morning did all that fun shit, then me, my little sister & her 2 friends went to the apartment to paint then we came home. i checked facebook (still no message) but he updated his status. im hoping that he either didnt see the message for some reason or he was getting ready to go to the concert hes going to tonight so he couldnt reply (im not a creep, it was on his facebook status that hes going to a concert tonight, which is conviently located right do the street from my apartment where i was only a couple hours ago). i dont know, like i said last night, i dont want it to be awkward between us because we still have class together until december, but i dont want a negative reaction. ughhh why is life so frickin difficult?! then to top off that complete shit storm, i was just on jared leto's twitter page & he tweeted "HOLY SHIT, THE NYC SHOW SOLD OUT IN MINUTES!!! Thank you so much for that #MARS300" so now im insanely depressed that im obviously not going to new york to see their final performance and im depressed & worried because i havent gotten a message back from the guy i like. oh, and the blackhawks are losing; thats the fucking cherry on top. i honestly dont want to go to class on tuesday if i dont get a reply back, that would be so fucking awkward. id be walking in blind, not knowing what to expect. but if i dont go that would make the pressure 10 times worse and then thursday i might actually want to kill myself. jesus, i dont know what to do with myself. i told him how i felt, now i feel like a complete dumbass. whatever i said what i needed to & he should be flattered that i worked up the courage to tell him how i felt, granted i did tell him through a facebook message but in all honesty, i would have chickened out if i tried to say it to his face. but who cares, at least i did it. i mean, really, we talk every class, we never pay attention to what were supposed to be doing, we're always laughing, id ont know if im reading too much into it, but i just want a nice person to be with. seriously, i kinda want a boyfriend at this point. im sick of sitting at home (like i am now) doing absolutely nothing (im actually leaving to get my sister from six flags in a few minutes, so technically im not doing nothing) with no one here with me. i really just want to sit with someone and hold someone's hand or lay down with someone. i mean, dont get me wrong i love being with anna, shes my best friend i love that i can talk to her about anything and i can say goofy things and she'll think its funny, but i guess i just truely want a boyfriend. its pretty sad that im 19, almost 20 years old and i dont have a boyfriend. this is the point in someone's life where people start realizing who they want to spend the rest of their life with. people are having kjids at 25, 26 and 27 years old and ive never had an actual boyfriend. i dont know whats wrong with me. i know im pretty antisocial but i dont know how to approach a situation like this. i guess telling, this guy that i like him was the first step in moving forward. im so afraid of rejection that i dont want to be the one to say that i like someone, so maybe thats my problem. then again, i dont talk to too many guys (like i said, because im antisocial) so that could also be the bigger issue.  ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is so frustrating. well, anna is actually on her way over then me, her & my mom are going to pick up my sister & her friend from six flags...fucking joy. when he (if he) messages me back, ill post what goes down (i.e. what he says & how i react) hopefully it will be a positive post, because god knows i need some positivity in my life right now.